Robin Prepares to Visit Earth

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Robin and Ted talked for many days about what Robin could expect to find at his new home. He studied catalogues of clothes, and watched video movies of popular television shows. He studied the way the boys walked and talked, and wondered if he would be able to copy them so that he would fit in.

"I really feel fake when I try to walk the way they walk or talk the way they talk. That is not what I am used to and I just want to be myself. I wish I could just go there and say, Hello, I'm from a space ship. I've never been with humans before and if I act a little different, well, that is just because I am different and that should be ok."

Well, Ted answered cautiously," that might work. We have kids from other countries that come and even though they dress sort of different than others and talk our language with an accent they seem to make friends and get along ok. You just might be able to do that.

But, I better warn you, there will always bee some kids that want to tease and cause trouble. They seem to think it makes them look good when they can put other people down with name calling or comments about the way they dress or speak.

I've seen some kids get really hurt about the name calling and get into fights over it. Then they end up getting in trouble for fighting and it never seems to stop. It's almost like when they get mad, it pays off the guys that are starting the trouble. I don't know exactly but it seems like some kids just like to get other kids in trouble. I think maybe it is because they feel like they have power over them. Anytime that type of kid thinks he has power over someone to make them do things or get them into trouble they keep using that power over and over.

It is like some kind of game. They want attention, or power, so they find someone to pick on. If that student just ignores their insults or teasing, they try someone else and keep trying until they find the right victim. They know they have the right victim when the kid gets really mad about the insults and starts either crying about it or trying to fight. Of course they only pick on kids they can't hurt them, so if the kid cry he gets more insults and teasing, and if he fights back he gets more. It ends up being a vicious circle for the one that gets picked on.

But when you watch the game closely you see that both kids are playing it. The rules seem to be clear to them, because they will repeat the same scene over and over week after week. The bully searches out a victim. Those who don't pay the bully by crying or fighting just walk away and hardly notice what happened. The bully doesn't get his pay back so he tries other kids. most of the kids just ignore him, or don't even notice him. this makes him feel bad because he really wants attention and probably doesn't know how to get it. He keeps trying the same thing to get attention until finally he finds his victim who gives him the attention he wants in a pretty sad way. But then the victim is getting some attention too, he gets the attention of the bully and his friends. he gets the attention of adults around who either punish him or feel sorry for him if he gets into a fight and the rest of the kids make comments about the bully and the victim so they both get more pay off. The only way the game stops is when the bully and the victim are separated by being put in different classes or changing schools. Even then they each find a new partner and the game continues.

I can't help but fee sorry for both of them, because all they really want is the attention of others, and all they really get is negative attention. If they just learn to be who they are in a different way, to get attention by doing positive friendly things, they could get all the pay offs without the tears and bad feelings.

Most kids seem to know that without being told. But I guess there will always be some who just don't get it.

"That sounds pretty scary.. What if i get scared and upset about something and some bully decides I can be his victim. Does it have to keep going on like you say.


"Not if you don't pay the bully. Just think of it this way. If you get paid money each time you do something, you'll keep on doing it, won't you... if you need the money? IF you do it a bunch of times for money, and then no one pays you for doing it anymore, you might keep right on doing it for a while, until you notice you are not going to get paid. Then you will probably stop, unless it is something you just really like to do and don't care about the money.

Well, for the bully, the pay off is the attention from everyone that he really needs and doesn't know how to get in other way.s
When the victim stops spaying the bully, the game will continue for a short while, because the bully will take a while to realize he is not getting paid, because his game has become a habit.
But after a few times, he will look around and realize no one is paying attention to him, he is not getting paid. Probably since he needs the attention so badly he will find another victim. If he is lucky someone will take him aside and teach him some better ways of getting attention that will pay off in positive ways. Payoffs that will make him feel good about himself and feel good about other people. when he begins to get pay offs from the things he does without having to have other people March 15, 2009o the paying, then his self esteem rises and he begins to have confidence that he is worthwhile and valuable.

When the victim begins to gain self esteem and confidence he begins to realize that he is valuable and loveable no matter how he talks or acts. He doesn't have to have the approval of everyone, so it doesn't matter any more if someone criticizes him or calls him names, so he actually learns not only to walk away, but to really ignore the cements made by bullies. He really doesn't hear them anymore, or if he does , he doesn't believe that they are important to him. He doesn't have to have everyone approve of who he is or what he is.


"But you said it was good to copy the way others act. Why did I spend all this time on videos watching kids if I don't need to copy how they act?

St is good to watch other people and learn from them. when you see someone that does things that you like, or dresses in a way you think would be comfortable to you, or you hear people talking in a way that sounds comfortable to you you can learn from them by copying. this is called emulating. Emulating is copying what someone does or says to learn from it. That is the way you learn new words, new behaviors and new ways of thinking and acting. none of us are born knowing everything. the way we learn is to do it, it becomes a growing experiment. As long as we choose carefully who and what we emulate we can grow in our own way, and continue to be our own person while learning new ways of thinking and acting.

Ok. I get it. I can be me, and choose things to copy or emulate that fit with my own values and wants and needs. Copying other people that have behaviors that I like or want to develop in my self is a way of growing and learning. I don't have to copy everyone that comes along. Just the people I see that do things that I believe would be comfortable to me and help me grow in a way that fits with my own needs and wants.

That's right. You are learning fast. Now let my voice travel with you as you begin your journey to the earth colony. There will be many other teachers that you can learn from as you grow. Remember well the lessons of the star ship and the learnings you have gained through this experience. You will always have a friends if you know how to be one. But you can always be yourself and choose behaviros that make you feel comfortable and happy.

Robin traveled to the earth colony and began his new life as an earth boy. He did not want to let people know that he was born in space, he did not feel comfortable with that right away so he kept that secret to himself. He knew it was ok to have personal secrets that he didn't share with others as long as it was not about being hurt or abused. He could choose what to share about himself with others as he began to know the other boys and girls in his school. Perhaps one day he would feel comfortable with sharing that, but for now he was content to be the new boy in school and begin making new friends.